As I am looking for ways to procrastinate writing papers, and as I have finished my grading in an attempt to procrastinate writing said papers, I want to take a moment to write an elaborate set of
I get that I'm boring. In fact, the class I teach bores me to tears, although I try to make it as interesting as I can. But I've taught this class four times and it is basic writing. It is a required course for those who got less than a 3 on the AP test or the equivalent on the placement test, so if they do have to take this class they have a hunch that they are surrounded by equally non-impressive writers for a class that is going to teach rudimentary skills.
At this point I teach the class in my sleep, which is A-ok because they take my class in their sleep. Even so, my ratings aren't that bad. According to rateyourprofessors.com, I seem to be generally known for having a "great body" and being "pretty solid." Whatever gets us through the semester. Although frankly, I shudder at the thought of us sharing some aspect of humanity that might place us on a level where you can see me as a member of your sexual preference group. Since, you know, I think of you as members of the ape species, perhaps of some sort of gorilla family subspecies.
Back to Precious. Precious drives me nuts because when he actually talks, he says interesting things, so I know he's not dumb. He's just totally checked out and thinks he has a free pass because he can kick a football thiiiiiiiiiiiiiis long.
Precious did not show up for the final requirement (again, required by the program, not my choice) which is a final conference. Since I think the assignment is pointless and I really don't want to spend my time conferencing with 24 kids who don't want to be there to find out what they think they learned over the semester (which seems to be the main objective of the assignment, and frankly I don't care what they think they learned), I tell them that i will hold an all day drop in session in my office. All they have to do is stop by, drop in and drop off a final reflection letter to me. 2 pages. Double spaced. That's it.
Precious does not show up. I EMAIL HIM TO REMIND HIM TO TURN IN HIS REFLECTION, LIKE I AM SOME SORT OF BRITISH NANNY WITH AN UMBRELLA AND THE MAGICAL ABILITY TO TIDY UP AFTER HIM USING ONLY A SONG AND SOME FANCY CAMERAWORK BY DISNEY. No response, even though I tell him that I will accept the assignment late, taking 10% off each day, until Friday. Because I want to pass him. Because I don't want to waste my time filling out paperwork, or have to answer to the program later, after I leave or somehow become accountable for Precious getting kicked off the football team by his coach. Because it takes me more time to have to go to campus, file a fail form, and possibly deal with this after I leave than to get his ass to pass my class. And finally, also because I know my program will not stand behind me if he goes to complain that there is some loophole in my syllabus or some lack of clarity (despite EVERYONE ELSE IN THE CLASS GOT IT) about the requirement and the mistake is somehow my fault and then my teaching comes under scrutiny.
And you know what? Guess what I did today? I hunted down his cell phone number and call him to follow up and to make sure he gets the message, like I am his mommy and he forgot his lunch at home, and oops he needs to remember or else he'll go hungry!
And you know what? Precious isn't even the worst I've had this semester! I'll have to write about a certain special snowflake when I have some serious time on my hands. I can't stand this shit. Seriously. Balls. Pure balls.
Yes, I get it. I am part of the problem.
One voicemail on said student's cell phone, two phone calls to his coach, a lengthy conversation with the academic director for student athletics, and a meticulous documentation process recording said endeavors later, with no response from said student, I concur that I should have just filed a fail form and toasted it with a nice glass of scotch on the rocks.
